yea i feel consumed by it sometimes. and sometimes have a lot of worry about the next episode. one coping skill i watch you use is rationalizing your thoughts/feelings. this is something my pdoc teaches me, we do talk therapy in addition to meds. what it means is that you analyze/rationalize, in other words really think through or talk through the problems and worries in the head to come to more perspectives of the situation. you're doing it here in this post, expressing what you're feeling, what you're worrying about. so i see you having more coping skills than zero.

why are you sure you'll lose everything during next episode? is it because they keep getting worse? that was a big worry for me - but last episode was not worse, i was aware of it while it was happening, so i'm relieved, cautious still, but every step i take is no longer totally consumed with worry for the next episode. people here helped me with coming to that perspective too.

i believe in you, i think you have more coping skills than you realize, and you have experience. if the meds really aren't working, that's something to look closely at. imho, why keep putting the stuff in your body if it's not working. it taxes the body and we're already sensitive enough as it is. just my thought, talk to the pdoc of course, don't quit anything cold turkey that's dangerous, you know the drill right?