The drive here wasn't too bad, considering we missed one of our first exits and got off course some, subsequently coming in totally different from my directions, plus no one told me how many freaking one-way streets there are downtown. We circled our hotel about 20 minutes before we could actually get to it.

I took my half of the med as we started out because I was already starting to sweat/get nervous ("I'm leaving my town, I'm leaving my town..."), it also helped I was so sleepy I didn't have much energy to be nervous.

The hotel is beautiful, the people are excellent, and our floor doesn't have a lot of rooms so it's very quiet. The ambience especially in the rooms is very calming.

Having said that, I kind of rode on my energy "fumes" calling ppl to let them know we'd arrived. We were exhausted so we ordered room service (only doing that once! Though it was worth it; the food is muah!).

My period finally started middle of the night. Fatigue of the drive, etc. put me to bed early (measly one-hr time change I believe has thrown me off), but hard time sleeping, not to mention simply not being in one's own bed. Our hotel is located in smack downtown, so while generally quiet I occasionally hear honks and such right below us (on 3rd floor).It's 3:00am here. I've woken up often, but I think my sleep has still been efficient with my sleep machine, etc. Unfortunately w/my period comes total-body cramps now....arms and legs very achy, and not much allieves it. I can deal with it, nothing new, and in a weird way pulls my anxiety down some.

Now, my biggest reason for getting online. I don't know if anyone with anxiety's ever experienced this, but I am having a lot of fear about being so far from home. I know intellectually if something happened there's plenty of ppl here to help, but it's not comforting. I feel as if, being in a different state completely, that I'm under a different sky--like I've jumped onto another planet, sort of like it's not real. It's not a delusional thing....it's just weird anxiety/free-floating/this-isn't-logical kind of thing. I've had this same sensation on a smaller level when I'd venture out of my comfort zone to a friend's house, or surroundings that once frightened me to be in were easier to deal with. Anyone else go through this kind of thing before? One of the big parts of it is my friend, while knowing extensively of my issues, has never seen me have a p. attack, etc., and while she's not one to freak out easily, it's a little uncomfortable not having my bf or grandmother here---someone who's been around for it firsthand.

I know too there's always "fallout"....where I can handle things at the time, then later the cascading of panic attacks, etc. And perhaps none of that will happen at all. Or if it does it'll wait until I get home (gotta love adrenaline, mind's ability to cope in the here and now), which would be fine.

I don't know; maybe I'm just being hard on myself? I can't talk to my therapist; I may call my gramma later--she wants to hear how things are going. This is all so new, and frightening. It is simultaneously fun. Whew. My friend and I I think are so worn out--on top of how expensive stuff is around here--that I believe we're going to just chill in the hotel room for the most part until the concert tonight (at 8:00, & only few blocks away). Honestly, where we're located is so lively/stimulating I don't think I'm even up to walking around much. I'm trying not to beat up on myself---if you told me 6 months ago I'd be here, doing this, I'd laughed my *** off. So just being here is a very rich rich thing. And I know tomorrow when we leave for family's house, it's less than an hour's drive, and their house is surrounded by acres of woods, and I believe I will feel quite peaceful there.

I'm gona try to go get some more sleep. Thanks for reading, and for the continued support.