Ok, I have a huge problem. I have stopped my meds just a few days at a time. I haven't been feeling well with the side effects 'hangover' effect, stinker of a headache etc! I have been talking to this guy from England. He was meant to be coming to see me in a few weeks but I cancelled. Today I spoke to my Support Worker and ended up in tears. She is like a mum sometimes in a good way. She likes me and I have known this for a wee while. Today I said to her 'why do you like me' she gave me all these compliments which I can't take. I get so embarrassed. I don't understand why people like me? I don't want to take meds but at the same time I know deep down I have to. She asked me last week when taking my meds in the morning and in the evening what do I think/say to myself. I said I don't know. Well actually I sit and ponder 2-3 hours before I take them. I have to gain the power to take them.

I don't like letting people, myself down by not following routines, meds etc but I can't accept I am ill/I have bipolar/I need medication! I am putting myself at risk with my behaviour and my stubborn ways!

Is there any wise words people can give me? I can't talk to my family and I don't want to bother my friends, as they all think I am doing good? I feel like I am going mad sometimes!