Sorry about the over-the-top thread title. Just attention-seeking behavior, I'm afraid. No, I haven't called an exorcist.

Yesterday on this forum, a few of us (LC, SD, thanks!), developed the notion of doing a ceremony, which I am now calling an exorcism. I am going to burn (and release the energy from) the receipts that my cold old distant T sent me in the mail recently, out of the blue.

Getting the receipts stirred up my (latent) paranoia about this ex-T, and brought back to mind all the bad feeelings about my awful therapy experience, which I quit some time ago....

Getting the receipts caused me to have some bad days.... I decided to wait and plan more fully for my ceremony of "energy clearing" after my bad T.

I've scheduled it for this evening. It's snowing here, which helps in some odd way. Let it snow!

Here's how my ritual will proceed, I hope: I will write ex T a note (which I will not send), bringing my feelings to the fore. I am burning the receipts, and developing a little chant. Then I am going to meditate on how I might have acted differently during therapy with the old T, and give some thought to why I did not leave earlier despite my major qualms, and the way that I shelve things, hoping they will change for the better, and how I persist in bad situations, hoping the other person will change and treat me in the manner that I think I deserve (yeah, I know...right?!). I feel like I really switched off a lot of my faculties of discernment and intuition in order to do that therapy, and thinking back on it creeps me seriously.

I have a lot to think about but I have a good feeling about my ceremony. I hope it will help me banish this baloney and ready myself for a helpful, smart therapist in the next few months.

All of this has really been weighing me down. I feel like I'm being de-programmed from a cult. And no, my beverage of choice for tonight's ritual will not be Kool Aid.

Wish me luck!