Hey Gman. I hope I can help.

Try not to kick yourself too hard. Your intentions, I think, are incredibly noble and selfless. Understand, as you said, it's not that you don't want her, it's that you're afraid of hurting her. Yes, that does indeed put you into a bit of a catch 22, but there isn't I don't think so much of a problem as there is a slight lack of communication. That can be fixed. You certainly aren't screwing up. You're just trying to help your wife as best you can.

Why not try talking to her about it? Explain that you know that sex to her is a trigger, and that you've been less interested (so to speak) out of fear of hurting her. I don't think she'd be upset with you for that. Just do be sure you don't word it (not that I'm saying you would intentionally by any means) so that it makes her feel like she messed up by letting you know. I can't stress enough that I don't think you'd do that (I've seen your posts, and I'd chalk you up as a good man ). I simply mean to advise to approach it delicately.

You're not screwing up at all Gman. You're just trying to do be there for you wife, it sounds like. Sometimes, the best of intentions have unintended consequences. But that's part of being human, right?

My best to the both of you, and I am keeping you both in my prayers.

Hugs,
Harley