I think that one of the biggest mistakes we can make in any relationship is not telling someone what we need, and assuming that if they really love us, or if they care enough, or if they know us well, they will magically give us what we need without us asking.

Sometimes that does happen-- my H sometimes surprises me with what he gives me. And sometimes he surprises me with how little he does what I think I've asked him to do. In most cases, sometimes he gets lucky, but usually the fault is my own and my inability to clearly articulate what I want from him.

Really, the only time in our lives that we get taken care of is when we are tiny. Then, our needs were really small in number and if we had good enough parents, they gave us what we needed without "asking."

But therapy is a good place to unlearn the habit of waiting for people to give you what you need. You have to ask. And I've found with my T, he is really good at giving me what I ask for. That continues on into my other relationships. I get better at asking for what I want and I end up getting it a lot of the time.