Hi simon,

I am sorry that someone has done this to your mother's grave. It seems like a pretty clear case of disrespect.

I know you are in the UK, but I wonder if you have heard of the Hatfields and McCoys here in the US. Their families had a legendary feud. Maybe today they are sorted out as Republicans and Democrats, lol.
My extended family can easily become like the Hatfields and McCoys on just about any issue you could raise. I plan to only see my siblings in separate visits in the future. I plan to leave whereever we are if anyone becomes insulting, loud or unreasonably angry. It seems several individuals in my family are ready to fill my dead, drunk father's place now that he is gone. Holidays were a nightmare when I was a child. Some of my siblings want to extend and or reenact the nightmare. I am adult now and can pick and choose my "family."
I am sorry too about the death of your mum from alcoholism. It is heartbreaking that you had to endure that pain.
-Meta