hugs Libbers. i think its why im panicking now. i dont know whats happening. and i dont know whats real and whats happening inside my head. its all confusing. the days are blending. im becoming more and more uncomfortable. i draw pictures which show painful things sometimes and they are getting worse. i dont know what to do. i dont know how to find the words to tell my therapist whats happening when i shut down. today after i went quiet she gave me a piece of paper and i wrote one thing. "he wants me to hurt". thats all i wrote and about all i said after i shut down. i stayed in the room for the full 50mins this time at least. small progress. im getting headaches on a daily basis. i feel so much conflict inside and i just want the pain to stop.