hi there;

@Uprwestsdr: forchunatly I was only on wellbutrin for a month, with one bad episode in which I had so little energy I couldn't even cut up my steak dinner, and felt utter devastation with no cause....and then I told the doc (which is just a primary doc, not a pdoc) that other then the episode, the wellbutrin was not making me feel any different. So she had me take it twice a day and then boom, I got triggered by some music and it ruined my whole day instead of crying for about and hour then recovering (like my 'normal' depression episodes without meds). I came home from school and almost kicked my cat, I was so angry. Then when I called the doc, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack AND at the same time felt like I had lost a loved one or something.

It was nuts! She told me to go back down to one a day until I could price check strattera...$195 later lol.

Oh and I couldn't hide my irritability from my girlfriend-and I feel a moral obligation to let a person know what they are dealing with...it sure does sting sometimes though. When I told my girlfriend I was having a depressive episode and that I was irritable, her reaction was a sarcastic "wonderful".
She did apologize for it but she doesn't hide at all how I am effecting her.

I can't believe I just typed all this up lol. I don't even know if I have "depression"...I feel more like I'm flatlining then I am "sad". (not to be equated to suicidal thoughts, I am not suicidal). Flat affect. Apathy. Sleep addiction.
Isolating.

I'm a psych student about to go to grad school! I give support, I don't usually get support, this is all so ****ed up and I hate feeling how backwards my life is going. I can't get depression now, are you kidding? bad news never has good timing.

@leed: I think I was also talking to you too above there. You know, I read about the seizures..but you know how when you drink alcohol to get that feeling that you don't care...somehow thats what I felt like when I stopped taking wellbutrin despite the risks...you know, "**** it, it was only for one month" type of thinking. blah lol I still am not suicidal though, just reckless. I'm not really that bad though.

Thank you so much for the support you guys, I feel like such a mess, and like I said, I was the resident ear and shoulder forever, so this feels so disappointing-not that there is anything wrong with getting support, I just can't help but feel like I'm not on the same level as other humans, I'm now like a kid instead of an adult. Damn therapy lol