Slept about six hours last night, still tired, but couldn't sleep more. Before waking I dreamt my husband was berating me in front of friends and family and I burst out of the room telling him I wouldn't listen to that. Weird, because he doesn't do that. And then I thought obviously it really was my father, because dreams can be goofy like that.

Heard a bird outside and it reminded me I want to try to be more mindful and stay in the present... not waste so much time re-hashing things or recriminating myself... I'm not learning anything from it except to keep spinning my wheels more, or worse, I may start sinking further into the quagmire.

That's one of my personal small goals for now...others may need to re-hash, reflect, process some things more. But for me, I know I can ruminate almost endlessly if I don't or can't stop myself, which leads to more feelings of useless guilt and self-flagellation.

IF I can do these, it's what I need to do. I'm gonna try... maybe notice the beautiful fall leaves, appreciate the beautiful weather, or just be really present in mind and spirit when someone is talking to me... whatever it takes or whatever helps.

Dragged the mothballed exercise bike out yesterday and started riding it. Also have been lifting hand weights. More small things, but making me feel a little better.