((((((((SallyBrown)))))))!!

I'm sorry I'm so slow to respond. I was waiting for enough time to really read, and process, and think before I replied, but clearly, that time is never going to appear, so I wanted to at least jump in and say SOMETHING.

The situation you are in SUCKS. I know you know that, but wow, having just gone through something similar myself, I just so get how painful and confusing it is. And the thing is, it's a relationship, with 2 people, so no matter how willing we are to look at our part, to own our own stuff, to participate as much as we can in the untangling of the mess, if the other person is stuck for whatever reason - unwillingness, confusion, etc etc - there's really nothing we can do. That's what made me feel the most powerless in my own situation. I could do a million things to try to fix it, but unless T was willing (or able) to do his part, there really was no way to move forward.

I did take a long break from T and then saw him here and there before really starting to see him regularly a couple of weeks ago. In my own situation, it seems like something finally "clicked" for T...I know he was doing his own work on all of this all along, but nothing was changing...and then it seems like things did change. I can FEEL the change in the room. He's there, with me, and for me. I know I'll never know his side of the story, and I have to just let it go...I'm just grateful that it seems to be working out (so far).

I was fully prepared for it to not work out though - and it was a really painful thought. I was looking for other therapists, because I knew I would need help working through this, let alone the things that brought me to therapy in the first place. So, I wonder if while you are in this 'limbo" place you seem to be in, looking at other T's (like you're doing) could be a good, empowering thing to do? I needed to do SOMETHING that made me feel like I had some power to move forward...otherwise it just so closely mirrored my childhood, being at the mercy of someone else no matter what I did. Ugh.

I think I basically just want you to know I'm thinking of you and I'm hating that you are going through this.

Lots and lots of to you.