Hi pomette - im sorry to hear you're having such difficulties. Your husband will not change unless he wants too. What can however change is how you and your son react to his behaviour - i would take him along to some counselling sessions (as well as yourself if you feel this would help with your marriage difficulties) so that you both learn some coping strategies to deal with life at home. No its not ideal but they're aren't really many other options. In the mean time continue to tell your son that there is nothing wrong with him and that you will love him no matter what - even if he can only relate to one of you in the long term thats better than nothing. I understand your worries about financial difficulty etc but is that worth remaining in a situation that makes you so unhappy? Perhaps save as much as you can and then reassess whether you feel you still want to stay. Your boys are grown men now, they wouldn't want to see either you or your husband unhappy so i think its time now to put more of yourself first and do what feels right. I hope this situaiton resolves positively for you. All the best.