Quote:
Originally Posted by sesame
It's unfair for your daughter to put so much responsibility onto you. I could see if it was a situation like "Hey, H and I are going to ____ place, could you watch the kids for a few hours?" Basically, giving them a brief occasional reprieve, sure.
But putting it on you to wash the dishes, cook, and do laundry? You aren't her maid.
There isn't anything you can do at this point that won't upset her because she seems to expect you to go all out and take care of her, but perhaps it would be useful to purchase one of those small dry-erase boards, and make a list of things that she or her H need to do throughout the day. Don't do as many things for her, but guide her and her H in managing their time on their own.
I'll try to make a little example:
MONDAY
[time] - D - wash dishes
[time] - H - take out the trash
[time] - D - do laundry
[time] - H - make dinner
[time] - KIDS - put away toys
[time] - KIDS - take bath, get ready for bed
And maybe have them alternate chores on a daily/weekly basis? When you're there, maybe you could help her in getting the kids involved with chores, depending on how old they are? Also, a good idea might be to add in a separate time block, maybe an hour, for H to get his alone time, and another time block for D to get her alone time.
Another fun idea could be using chalkboard paint to make something similar!
|
Thanks for all your ideas, sesame. I liked those chore buttons, but the list of chores for each day of the week is more than I do in my house in a year. Wipe down walls? What's that?
My d. has tried charts for the kids but unless she gets after them and spends the time, they haven't worked. She also has their clothes in cubbies, not drawers, but they get spilled out onto the floor each day. The best option for me has been to try to ignore the mess. I hate that the girls don't brush their hair before school, and no one cares! If I tell my d. that she says she's doing the best she can! Their hair isn't a priority. The oldest, age 9, doesn't even care. I get upset about their hair but I'm not here so often, so I can't sweat the small stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BonnieJean
rainbow8, I can hear how upsetting and frustrating this situation is for you. It sounds like you're not communucating as you'd like with your daughter. Sounds like she is stressed out too. what advice do you think your t would give you? some times I think we've internalized them (our t) more than we realize and some times we can draw on that for strenghth and advice when they are not with us. I hope your efforts help improve the situation for the rest of your visit.
|
I'm happy to report that we patched things up, sort of. I said I was sorry and that I thought I WAS helping but I wasn't doing what was needed. So today my H and I did grocery shopping for 2 1/2 hrs. Only problem is that i self-rising flour by mistake and my H says I can not go back to the store to return it. I said I'd buy some regular flour at a closer store. She bakes yeast bread and it won't come out with that kind of flour. Anyway, I felt good about doing the shopping!
Quote:
Originally Posted by earthmamma
Family dynamics are difficult. We live in a phantasy that it should be all Brady bunch like. There's a lot of pain & resentment built up over the years and then acted out by all parties. No skills needed, just the ability to sit down & really talk about what everyone is really feeling.
|
Yes, we did a little of that today. You're right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain
Maybe you could sit down with her and discuss what she wants you to do and what you are capable of doing. You might reach an agreement, and if not, at least it is out in the open.
Resentment is much worse when it is unspoken.
|
I agree 100% with this. Thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WikidPissah
2 more weeks? How long are you staying with your daughter? Having company for more than a few days is stressful. Can you an H move to a hotel to give your daughter a little breathing room?
|
I see T in 2 weeks but we are only staying one more week, I think. Staying in a hotel wouldn't be helpful to my d and for other reasons it wouldn't work out, but in most cases, that would be a good option. Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychicbaby323
I am sorry you are having a hard time there. I hope you can find a way to enjoy the rest of your time there...  |
Thanks! I DO enjoy the grandkids and being here. I'm being mindful of that. When we go home, I'll miss them so much!