*sigh*

I don't remember the last time I cried so much in one day....and for it being about a flippin nightmare? How sad is that?

I bawled throughout much of my T appt today. We tried to make meaning of the nightmare...but I struggled with it. He wasn't sure if it was just the guilt from having so many plans that would require me being away from my daughter so much this month....or if it was the tapering down of the meds....or both.

T suggested some ideas - like connecting it to my dad's death and all the guilt I had about not being there, not being able to do something about it, etc....and that makes it similar to what my nightmare was about - except the nightmare was way way crazy and horrifying and about my daughter. UGH.

He suggested that maybe it was about me being afraid that I was going to suffer alone.

All of it had some measure of being valid...but I don't know.

He also talked about working towards a balance between me and my daughter....that I am trying to get out and do more - but then I get sucked into these things that end up becoming more pressure than enjoyable - because I suck at setting limits.

T seems to believe that when I make a decision to set limits with my paranormal group - to alleviate the pressure that I'm allowing to be put on me, that the nightmare will not return.

After the session, I popped a xanax, so I am feeling a little more numb. Thankfully. Because I didn't want to be a sobbing mess when I picked up my daughter after school.

I really need a good night's sleep....but I'm terrified to close my eyes. I don't think I'd survive reliving that nightmare again.