I cut with a blade tonight for the first time in months. Last night I just made scratches and barely drew blood, but tonight was different...tonight it felt so good to feel the coolness of the blood running down my skin. It was so nice not to have to act so violently to get the same effect. It reminded me why I was so very addicted to it for so long, even when I didn't want to admit it to myself. I'm still very scared to do it like I used to, though, ever since I went to the hospital last year after one deep cut.

My cutting is sporadic, and I never really know what feeling brings it on. Just bad feelings overall, I guess. Bad news, a blow to my self-esteem, feeling worthless...they all contribute. I don't want to get into the specific reasons for my recent SI though.

I see T on Tuesday. I haven't seen her since August 23rd and I am very much in need of her support. How do I go about talking about this when the subject of SI hasn't been brought up in so long?