hi.

may i just say that your poem touched me, you explained everything so well.

everything you are feeling is natural, its your body and mind trying to come to grips with a tragic loss you have encountered.

you will find that you wont feel yourself for now, grief will take over for a short while. try to embrace it and not to fight it, and certainly do not let others make you think you are crazy, i think you are far from it.

the problem you have where you cant sleep is also natural, the memories are still fresh in your mind so when you close your eyes they will be there, but this wont last forever.

try to comfort yourself in the fact that you were there when he finally slipped away, you were the last thing he saw, and it sounds like he loved you dearly so he was probably hanging on until he saw you one last time. he had already said his goodbyes (mentally) to his wife, your grandma, and he wanted to see you. try to feel happy about that. so many people who experience similar things wish they were there when a loved one passes away, to be able to say goodbye. i was in the next room when my mum died and i sometimes wish i was by her side holding her hand, just so she knew i was there when she went.

after 6 months, the emotions will still be fresh, and they wil be for a little while yet, things like smells and memories will remain for a while, the smells may go but your memories of him are yours that you can treasure for life.

your grandma will understand if your not as strong as you think you should be, she will know what you are going through, as long as you make her aware that you are there for her as much as she is there for you, things will be fine.

using poems is a great way to express your emotions, it can reveal so much that normal chat sometimes cant. i say keep it up.

take care of yourself through this tough time, and id suggest you consider seeking the help of a councillor just to help the grieving process progress. my thoughts are with you GG, and im here if you ever need anything, just shout my way ok.

speak soon. simon