So this is my first post here.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 12 years ago and for the past several years have been stable. I wouldn't say I was the healthiest, but I could get through the day, hold down a job, and mostly take care of myself.

I moved last year across country to be with my boyfriend (long distance relationship now not so long distance). Last summer was the healthiest I've ever been. I was not anxious or anything and then I've been struggling. I'm not sure if I'm doing worse, or if I'm able to acknowledge that I need help and I've found a really great medical center and have a shrink and therapist who are in the same practice.

I'm being treated for anxiety right now. And I've been doing well, today I can't tell if I'm just really anxious or heading to hypomania. some stuff has come up (mentally) that I can't stop thinking about it, it's like pulling at a scab. I know I shouldn't and it bothers me but I keep picking and pulling and I can't stop.

I hate my brain and the way it works and it seems like every time I'm able to redirect my thoughts another way to be anxious pops up.

I guess I just need to vent.