I just don't want to go on like this. Always feeling empty, bored. I try to enjoy things, find stuff to enjoy, it just all feels fake. I'm starting to feel like others around me are lying about what makes them happy. Here I'll try to explain:

Family: I'm an only child of divorced parents. My father is the most selfish individual I've ever met, I wouldn't ask him to spit on me if I was on fire. My mother is severely bipolar and OCD. My father refused to let her seek help or have medication, so I now realize, enduring 15 yrs of abuse from her wasn't entirely her fault. I still have no interest in trying a connection with her now. The rest of my family disowned me long ago when I came out of the closet.

Friends: Every one I ever thought was a friend has never been a friend. I currently accept my friendless position in life.

Church/God: (with the disclaimer that I mean no offense to those who are religious it's just my personal beliefs) Organized form of government with the scariest form of control

Kids: I have none, want none. Hate kids.

Outside: Too hot/cold. Bugs eating the h*** outta me. Exhaustion

I could go on and on. Including sports, tv, parties, cleaning, gardening, reading...Everything just takes more out of me and never gives anything back.

Happiness is apparently something I'm meant to live without. The med makes me feel better in general but it still doesn't get me of this couch, staring at nothing or living online...neither of which make me happy, but it's somehow the only thing I can muster up enough energy to accomplish.