I think we are breaking up.

I've tried and tried but we just don't fit together.

He admitted to me that sometimes when he's angry at the world he just feels like being negative for no reason.

And that any misunderstanding makes him even more angry and upset which he takes out on others without being able to control it.

There are worse vices in the world I guess. But it's killing me always to be so tired and us fighting and never just feel at peace in his presence.

We had a huge fight for the millionth time.

It was because I stood up for this kid on the bus, a kid getting picked on by bullies.

I got home and told him about it and he said I did the wrong thing.

There is no worse thing he really could have said to me that would make me feel with every fiber of my being we do not belong together.

I tried to explain, "don't do that, don't say that." But he wouldn't listen.

He said it wasn't that he was trying to make me feel bad, he just has weird issues about speaking to teenagers.

I felt in my heart that it wasn't that, that he just wanted to see me shot down. Or maybe he was like one of those other people on the bus who just let bullying happen.

But my repeated questions "what do weird issues with teenagers have to do with it?" were met with silence and then anger to the point he was not able to speak. Finally he emailed me apologizing multiple times but for the first time, I didn't want to talk any more.

Then finally today we talked and I spoke to him lovingly and tried to make it better between us like he was doing. He said he was so sorry and it was all his fault and he doesn't know why he does this. But again, I asked, "you didn't really think it was a mistake for me to stand up for that kid, right?" and he said, "no, I already explained, I just don't like teenagers." And so I said, "I still don't understand." And he got angry again.

I don't know.

He says five years ago he would have considered me heroic and brave but life has made him angry. He said he was sorry.

I was so emotional and so upset. I asked him if we can start thinking about going back to being just friends. The truth is I know I should just deal with it but I CAN'T.

He said that we should do couples therapy.

I don't know but I know the time that I spend worrying could be taken up with love, peace and comfort. I have a pretty stressful life and I spend a lot of time, up to half the time we spend together, fighting about these little things, his constant irritability and my constant sense of wanting something better in life and fantasies of us just not being together, which makes me SO GUILTY.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe a little bit him too.

We may try couples therapy but I know in my heart that people don't change unless they really want to.