Today I feel like I just cannot do a damn thing. So I log on here. I really have nothing else to do. I hate my life so much.

My job is too stressful and I think I want to quit. But I feel it is the only job out there that I can really do. The question is, how much stress can I take? And what will happen when I do finally lose it?

I feel like just another number. I am not a living being, I am a mindless animal just living out this worthless life that will amount to a grand total of NOTHING point NOTHING in the end. No words can express what I feel, really. I feel an infinite amount of sadness and misery.

I am a very negative person. I absorb negativity. If there is any "bad" news, I take it, and it becomes a part of me. I cannot help it. Can't clean this slate, and can't be happy knowing what I know. Or do I really know anything?

I believe that the essence of what happiness is, is ignorance. The more I ponder it the more that it becomes valid. I have studied the personalities for years of my life. I can understand why people act the way they are and do the things they do. It became apparent to me that it is ... hmm, I guess a fact that people gravitate towards others that joke a lot, others that are entertaining, I mean even doctors will say that just the act of smiling boosts chemicals in the brain that increase happiness. But how can I smile in this world? I find nothing funny.

I don't perceive anything as "reality". This is why I hate life. It just isn't real or true to me. This is not who I really am. These aren't the thoughts I would truly think. I don't believe that I am in control of my own thoughts. I hate this miserable existence.