Quote:
Originally Posted by landskaperdan
I totally get that! When your i'm not okay, but when I go to say it, my brain takes over and it minimizes everything and I feel foolish and make things okay, until I don't need to say it anymore and then the world crashes down again!!!!!! It's like feeling better at the doctors office, and then feeling back to bad once I leave!
But James, you are forgetting the most important thing, YOU ARE WORTH IT! You are worth taking that chance that you are not making things worse than they are and that this is real and saying so to your Pdoc. If he is any good, then you can show him your posts on here too! If you can't really talk, you can do the whole blog thing and then show him that. You can write it all down and then show him/her.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that there are ways to get across just how bad things are for you without that dreaded moment of letting it all go in the office. Your worth the effort James, So hurry up and take that chance so you can be feeling better! You don't really have anything to lose, right? You can only feel better from this point on.
Keep us updated on how it goes letting your Pdoc know what is happening. Take care James!
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You know, Dan makes a really good point here. If you get the "placebo effect" from just going into the doctor's office, write it down before you go. I did this when I was seeing a T in high school after I was raped. I couldn't bring myself to actually talk about it, so I wrote it down. I wrote like six pages talking about what happened and what my reaction to it was, and then I just gave it to her to let her read. Then she knew what was going on and I didn't have to sit and try to explain it all while I was there. It gave us a good starting point to try to make things more manageable. Maybe that would help you get through it better.
You could at least try and see if it gets you further than you would get otherwise. Sometimes being online sucks. Sometimes it makes it so hard to get emotions across, like the fact that it breaks my heart that you are hurting so much. I wish there was more I could do for you, and I'm sure everyone else does too. But we're here for you.
Like I said, just try writing it all down. If you can't bring yourself to actually give it to your doctor, sometimes just the act of writing down everything you're feeling can be a good bit of therapy for yourself. I had a falling out with my dad almost five years ago, and I've wrote him plenty of unsent letters, and they usually seem to help. I hope that you've pulled something that can help from what me and Dan have said. We love you and we all want you to feel better, and you're not alone when you feel this way.