You know, Dan makes a really good point here. If you get the "placebo effect" from just going into the doctor's office, write it down before you go. I did this when I was seeing a T in high school after I was raped. I couldn't bring myself to actually talk about it, so I wrote it down. I wrote like six pages talking about what happened and what my reaction to it was, and then I just gave it to her to let her read. Then she knew what was going on and I didn't have to sit and try to explain it all while I was there. It gave us a good starting point to try to make things more manageable. Maybe that would help you get through it better.

You could at least try and see if it gets you further than you would get otherwise. Sometimes being online sucks. Sometimes it makes it so hard to get emotions across, like the fact that it breaks my heart that you are hurting so much. I wish there was more I could do for you, and I'm sure everyone else does too. But we're here for you.

Like I said, just try writing it all down. If you can't bring yourself to actually give it to your doctor, sometimes just the act of writing down everything you're feeling can be a good bit of therapy for yourself. I had a falling out with my dad almost five years ago, and I've wrote him plenty of unsent letters, and they usually seem to help. I hope that you've pulled something that can help from what me and Dan have said. We love you and we all want you to feel better, and you're not alone when you feel this way.