Rainbow, is this the first time that you have focused on the relationship that you have with your daughter? If so, I'm really proud of you! I see this as you shifting your focus from the fantasy land of your relationship with your T to your relationships IRL. Excellent work!

Your daughter doesn't sound organized. Some people are just like this naturally. Yeah, when life without visitors is busy and stressful enough, having company does push it over the edge and you really do need help from close relatives who come to visit. I remember being in this exact position.

I think that if you keep up communication that it will work out. I would ask her what she needs help with every day. Relatives should be helpful IMO.

Does the chaos of her household make you tired?

Are you afraid to make a mistake (like the flour)?