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I think that there is nothing wrong with someone masturbating.
I do think you badly by several men, and that can have some lasting effects. But you shouldn't feel that all men are that way.
You have no reason to feel guilty or "disgusted" by your actions, yea easy for me to say that, not so easy for you to believe it in your heart.
Do you have a therapist, or someone you can talk to about this.
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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