I think that trying to persuade anyone of anything and being unhappy that they have a different opinion than you do is something you may have had difficulty with before, with T and/or others.

It's not much different from trying to get your T to react in a specific way to you. Sometimes I have wanted T to say a specific thing back to me that he doesn't believe, or to have a particular emotional reaction that he just doesn't. What both things have in common is that they don't allow the other person to truly be separate from us but also be connected and close. It's a boundary thing, in some way. For me I also think it's part of my issue that I want to demand or force, but in a non-obvious way, that people essentially be like me or think like me.

I am not saying that doing either of these things is wrong and/or bad. But trying to get others to believe or say or react in specific ways is usually counterproductive, IME. The less I need someone to react in a particular way, the more often they actually do. I think when we allow people the freedom to choose authentically how to relate to us, that's when we get the best stuff.

One that that those who experience CSA and your childhood may have in common is deficiencies in getting what we needed from others. I got some things I didn't need, and didn't get others that I did need. I sort of learned to just shut down and not seek anything from anyone. It was a helpful sort of independence as I was bulldozing my way through three advanced degrees and a high powered career. Not so helpful when I wanted to have meaningful social connections, good intimate relationships, parent in a mindful way, and do work with trauma survivors who needed my heart and mind as much as they needed my brain.

Then as I tried to become healthier, I think the pendulum swings a little too far the other way. Dammnit, people are going to give me what I want right now, as fast as I tell them too. I'm nobody's freakin' doormat. If you don't give me what I want, I'm going to kick you to the curb. You must see things the way that I see them, especially if they involve resolving my own CSA experience. I pity the people who try to tell me something about myself that I don't agree with.

Now, I'm kind of zooming around somewhere in the middle ground between independence and requiring certain kinds of reactions and responses from people. I no longer feel like I can't or won't ask people for things or to be there for me, but I have less of a need for those things to be a specific sort of thing, and I'm definitely not as pissed when I don't get what I ask for. My biggest issue is that I know I do not clearly communicate that I need support or empathy or whatever, even when I think I have.

I don't know if anything here actually relates to what you're feeling, but I thought I would toss it out there. I just came back from T in a reflective mood and this is what I connected to what you said.