I don't know where this goes ... but figured here was as good as any. Please move if its better in another area.

I know this is more of a rant then anything else - but I need to get it out. I apologize profusely if I upset anyone. This is NOT about any of you. Trust me on this, you all are wonderful.

Don't laugh at me, don't call me names - Don't get your pleasure from my pain.

I was listening to that song when I figured it out ... and decided to write this...

Maybe, just maybe I've figured it out.

Why do I feel worthless? I thought we all had unconditional worth.

I thought I could deal with it.

I'm a minority.

I am criticized, ridiculed, pitied and made fun of.

Some days I just let it go, but it never, ever, goes away.

Every look, every assumption, every comment and every well-meaning act (and those which aren't) that is inflicted on me by others...

Kills me.

And yet I do nothing. I just accept it as it is. I try to change those around me, but I can't change the world.

If I can make even one person understand, then I've done a good job. Just a bit of understanding is all I ask for...

Please tell me someone understands me when I say this.

This is what it feels like to have a disability. Not all the time, but on those days when I already feel crappy -- stuff like this just makes it worse.

I used to wonder why I was depressed. Then it hit me, a lot of it is because of my "being" ingrained in the mould of being a person living with a disability.

And when I say this - this isn't me whining - its the truth. It bites, more often than not. You can't ignore your reality, and I can't ignore mine.

Sorry if I sounded whiny and whatnot - I might wind up deleting this later when I get too anxious about having posted this - but I hope this helps people to understand me a bit better.