Not all therapists view it this way, but in counseling with my son, we talked a lot about anger. This therapist taught us that anger is a secondary emotion. And it's root is 1 of 4 (or combo) primary emotions of Fear, Pain, Confusion, Sense of Injustice.

This view has helped both my son and I, Team Destructo, stop and think for just a minute or second to figure out wtf we're so mad about when it hits. Cuz when it hits it's such a strong feeling, anger, can turn to dangerous rage in an instant.

So the idea is effective communication. Because we get so caught up in our anger/rage feeling in the moment, usually things get broken or mean words and the whole chance for effective communication is lost.

So if you can slow down enough when you feel the anger and ask yourself, is this 1 of those 4 primary emotions, or a combo? Then you could further slow yourself down to say something like, "Grandma, I'm feeling really mad right now, not trying to be a jerk to you, but I feel (scared, hurt, confused, like something is injust) when (you say this, or do this, or the family treats me like a child, or whatever it is).

That's the idea, I liked the therapist's approach. My son and I still use it among a buttload of other skills we learned in that year. But this is the one we use the most because anger has been our biggest problem together. Hope some of this might help you too.