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She said sometimes people do things even though they're anxious about them.
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Did you say, Like Apologize? Why don't you model that for me?
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She pointed out that two of the five instances of cancellation were due to vacation
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But who's counting right? Tell her that the instances of cancellations not due to vacations were greater than the ones due to vacations.
Tell her you would like to see that statistic change in your favor sometime soon.
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...'yes, it isn't usual that I have so many scheduling issues, but I don't foresee it being a habit outside of the holiday season'
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Did you say, do you foresee anywhere in your crystal ball, "I'm sorry that my unusual scheduling issues have caused you pain/inconvenience and I will be mindful of that in the future." ???
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I just didn't feel safe/comfortable enough to say something that vulnerable.
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Beautifully articulated! I sense that you didn't expect your T to fall on her knees begging you for forgiveness, but your T at least could have asked, how did that make you feel? Then you could discuss the issues. Instead, her boundary of not apologizing ended up shutting you out and not helping you. This is what you need to tell her next session. Tell her, remember when you said some people do things even if they are anxious? Well, I'm going to do that now.
Tell her what you wrote here. Write it down and read it if you have to. I do hope that you will talk to her about this
I don't see that it was you trying hard to push her away from you. If so, it was probably a mixture of you not trusting her and her having an empathic failure moment.
Tell her that you are sick to death of her mentioning her other patients. Tell her that you don't pay her, even for a second, to mention other patients and that you will ask for a refund if she continues to engage in her bad behavior (lol). (Trying to cheer you up
What does she say about the other patients?
Don't hate yourself because you are bothered by other patients. Just think, she's screwing up those other patient's schedules, too, and there is nothing they can do about it.
Add a page to your scrapbook that includes a calendar of the past however many months and put huge big Xs in red over the cancellations. Put beside it a description of how you felt,, or put in a picture of yourself but shrink it in size until it is tiny. Tell her that's how you feel.
Keep us posted. Keep advocating for YOU
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