I don't know how anybody can be so vicious!

I smile at strangers but am dangerous...

I have to cope with that....

one night I grabbed a knife and sliced my hand off.....it was hanging by skin!....what a mess...that was an amazing experience bloody shocking...hurt like hell.....even weirder to see the thing dangling!

and thats not suicide ....it's worse!....it's homicide....

nobody here really knows me...it's fine to just be all warm and fuzzy...

but there is really something bad in my brain.....

you told me to talk....

I never opened myself this way all these words I don't just say

i'm not trying to push you away...

but what hope have I got?...if I don't try to bring you closer....

it's beyond bipolar borderline depression.....somethin' aint right in my head.

my battle is not life but with the heart and I hope I can win...