You're being real and honest. It's good, it really is, cuz you gotta get that stuff out and off your chest. We're humans (well we're in human bodies) and humans need other humans. Like a pack of wolves, we're meant to be in groups and communities, families. And one good thing about this internet thing is this family community we have here. The world is so big and I'm on one side and your on the other, I would love to give you a big hug. I would also make you eat! Human body and brain, like Anika said, needs sleep. They say it's one of the main keys in getting to and keeping balance for a bipolar, getting regular sleep. And alcohol won't do it honey I'm sorry. But the alcohol breaks down in your body into all these sugars that actually make it hard to sleep. You need sleep and foods, and if no one is there to cuddle you like I would, fix up your pillows and blankets so that they surround, hold and nurture your big ole monkey body.