the nightmares lived, i adore you both still. Jimmy, the honesty you're pouring out is so good. the fact that you are so remorseful shows the true person you are. we've all done bad things, and we have bipolar, and there's a scary dangerous thing called a manic rage. i have twice hurt an animal not on purpose, not premeditated, just in a weird not in right mind time. i once spanked my daughter's behind in a manic rage and that will forever haunt me. i've driven too fast in a manic rage, with my babies in the car. it is nuts, i know it, i hate myself for it. so now, we are all on this path of trying to get better from the danger of manic behaviour. i'm really doing my best to not ever go there again. it is so confusing because i can go along being a happy wonderful person and then snap. i guess the dx helped me see what was going on and how i was hurting others, and risking my freedom. this is why i feel i'm walking on a wire, i know what's at risk, i've seen the horrors and i know what i'm capable of is scary and dangerous, and i will not ever let myself go there again. i'm determined to stay on the wire and eventually slide along the wire with no more fear of myself. this will be when i truly trust myself again.