I don't know if I am grasping at straws or if I have actually realized the ROOT of all my issues.

17 or 18 years ago I was diagnosed as being bipolar (I still don't agree with this diagnosis). That is when all the medication started. I have been on every medication there is, nothing helped (I'm still not sure why everyone tried to fix what wasn't broken). Yes, every medication. In fact, I think that all the medication messed my mind up. I feel like it took every ounce of who I was away.

Quick information about my past:
When I was younger, I was incredible at baseball (I was an incredible pitcher, throwing over MPH at just 13 years old), incredibly strong, ridiculously intelligent, and was just dominant at whatever I worked at. If I focused on something, it was what I got. I did go through some very foolish things that may have made people think I needed help: got in fights, hung out with the wrong people, tried to fit in by drinking and drugging, and numerous other foolish things. The point is that I had behavioral issues, in my opinion, and someone should have focused on changing the behavioral problems; instead of throwing pills down my throat.

My parents were terrible role models and they were not meant to be parents. I think that therapy without the medication was the answer and not throwing the pills down the hatch. The fact that medication took the place of behavioral modification makes me so angry. I feel like the meds did so much harm that I got used to feeling like if I pop a pill, everything would be fine. There is so much more to explain about this revelation, but this post would be endless.

I am saying this because I have been off medication for the first time in 17/18 years and I have absolutely no desire to do drugs or drink (While on the medication this is all I thought about and did, probably to self medicate against the effects of the meds). That is why I have come to the conclusion that the meds did destroy me... How do you guys feel about this thought?