All you're doing is describing addiction. You said "I got used to feeling that if I pop a pill, everything will be fine." Well that's all ANY of us felt whether it was pills or booze. We were just medicating the pain.

So what you're describing isn't anything different that addiction. Are you afraid to say the word or to call yourself an addict? I'm sorry if I'm pointing a finger. I CANNOT call you an addict -- only YOU can decide if you're an addict or not, but what you describe is certainly what WE go thru. And we are all addicts/alcoholics.

There is NO SHAME in it as addiction and alcoholism are DISEASES. They're no different than if you had cancer or diabetes or any other disease. It's just we have the power to control these -- we can stop these diseases if we stop! And evidently you stopped and I applaud you for that!! Congratulations because not all of us are that lucky!

I wish you the very best! Keep on doing the good work -- and if you need support, seek out NA or AA meetings as support IS crucial. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee