Thanks for the replies. I don't expect anyone to know what to tell me, or to be able to help me. I think I am beyond help at this point. So I guess my post is just one of those "vent for myself out loud" things. I appreciate the suggestions.

Snowy83 - I realize there are many people that are like me, in that they have the same personality. And they do what you and I do, hide the negatives in order to prevent a possibility of being displeasing to others. I'm sorry but I disagree with the "no one can help you but yourself" saying. I believe people need to be around certain other people in order to function properly and not be depressed. I know what my problem is. I just cannot fix it myself.

I have no motivation to do anything. Sometimes I will sit alone in my room for hours thinking about what I could do, but I never know what I should be doing.

puffyprue - Thanks for listening.

doggiedo - I have been a loner all my life, so I have no friends. But I have told my brother about some of it. I don't know that it helped, or would help any to talk to other people about it. I see no point to anything.

girlwithbrownhair - I don't know if I would exactly call it "working", but technically, yes. Most days I'm just sitting at a desk staring into space for 8 hours, honestly. I only got the job because my brother worked there, I could have never gotten anything on my own.

I do feel the "cycles" as you call them, which to me, prove even further that I really am not thinking for myself. I am always being controlled by something else and I hate it.

I'm sorry but I do not believe in "good" or "bad". Sometimes I find myself having to use those words, such as in my original post, but when I use them I am trying to describe what most other people would probably think of when they hear those words. I only see things as they are. For example, in my mind there is no such thing as crime or punishment; only people doing things to other people.

So I'm not exactly sure what would be a "good note" to end a day on... I realize that what you probably mean is something that is healthy for my body. To that I say I am so unmotivated...just can't get myself to do anything.

I realize then that all this just leads back into this endless circle, and I have posted similar messages before. I'm not trying to say I am "right" about anything, or to "shoo" away anyone... I do appreciate your posts. I just hate that the way everything is, and I don't see any way to change it.