Hello mud_blood.....I am so sorry about how much you're hurting these days. From all you have said it is certainly understandable that you would be feeling discouraged, and it is always hard when someone else (like your wife) is involved. As someone who has suffered from depression for a very long time I understand that when you are in a very dark place it can be hard to even hear what someone is saying, but I wanted to try anyway. First of all, how wonderful that you have the dream of improving the future of your family.....obviously you are a good person. And while the way you had planned may not work out, there are probably other paths that may open to you in the future. Sometimes it is true that "when a door closes, somewhere a window opens".....but we aren't always able to see that possibility, especially when the voice of depression is talking. Please understand I'm not making light of your situation....just saying that you are probably not able to see perspective at this time, but that may change with time. As for having people to talk to, as George said, we are here and listening, and caring. And in case you've never thought of this, the National Suicide Prevention Line is a wonderful resource for anyone who needs ~wants to talk. A lot of people may not realize that they are there not just for people who are suicidal, but for anyone who may be struggling in life.....whatever is going on. When you call them your call is routed to trained counselors in your area who are there to listen, and provide you with resources to follow up with counselors, etc, if that's what you want. They're good people, and sometimes just talking to someone kind can help you in ways you might not expect. Just in case you ever want to give them a call, here's a link http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ And in the meantime I hope you'll keep in touch with us here whenever you want ~need to. Take Care ~whimsy