I know the feeling, just wanting to medicate myself away to the point that it wouldn't matter anymore and just live life through a medicated stupor to where I didn't have to feel anything, therefore whatever I felt couldn't be right or wrong.

Yeah, I know that feeling. It's what I had wanted for months after diagnosis, with the feeling getting stronger instead of weaker as time went on.

That does start to fade as one starts to accept their diagnosis though, it's just a rough road to travel. Keep posting on here and sharing, it will make things a bit easier and you'll learn a lot. I sure have. So don't be shy, keep posting!