Thank you, Harley. I appreciate ALL of your thoughts and advice and I wish I could have had it 10 years ago when I started rolling the snowball, lol. At this point in my life I'm okay. I've been depressed lately and I'm not sure why. And when I get depressed I think about all the things I normally supress.

After my rape my self esteem plumetted (sp?). The shell that was left began a horrible journey. I discovered self injury by accident. I thought I was crazy and didn't realize anyone had ever been there before. And since that wasn't enough to help me cope with my life either I tried to kill myself. Somehow I managed to convince my doctors AND my parents that it was an accident. I had such a bad headache that I didn't realize how my excedrin I took. Ha! But they believed it, which is another reason I thought they didn't care. It was sooo obvious what I had done.

Anyways, after that my self injury got worse and resulted in another suicide attempt. This time it was obvious I needed help. So, I did. I quit cutting and "got over it"
So many things changed in my life. I moved out of my parents, lost touch with all my friends, got married, and had two kids. I have a completely different life now. And I'm fine, really. But sometimes I get upset for no reason. Not because of PMS or any certain event. I just get depressed and all I can think about is hurting myself.

But I don't want to die. I just want to find a way to get out of my head and most of all I want to forget how good it feels to hurt myself.