I understand Rose. SI is an extremely hard habit to kick...I've never done it myself, but a very close friend of mine went through it, and I've seen how hard it is to kick. It's not easy, and it does like to sort of "flare up" alongside the bad times. That is normal of it. I do still maintain that the best thing you could do would be to see a therapist. The key is going to be confronting and overcoming the emotions that bring you down. The desire to SI isn't the problem. It's only a symptom of the problem. On the bright side, it is a problem that can be fixed.

I still don't think your parents don't care Rose. Yes, it must've seemed obvious to you given what you were feeling at the time and you knowing your own motives, but that information isn't going to be necessarily known to them. To be honest, had I been there when you had told them it was a excedrin overdose, I likely would've believed you. With no underlying information, I think they wouldn't have had too much of a reason to doubt your word.

But on the bright side, look how far you've come. You've gotten past your past, and you have a family of your own now. That says something! So what happened to you didn't beat you. You soundly beat it. To keep with the boxing analogy, you're just still feeling some of the bruises from the fight, is all. I think that facing these feelings with a therapist is the best thing you can do for yourself, and I think you'll be able to at last put the past at rest.

I hope I was of some help Rose. I'll be checking back in as soon as I see new posts. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

My best,
Harley