Thank you Leeds and bb2023 for your generous and thoughtful responses and the advice about couple's therapy which we are taking.

He came back from a long trip yesterday to our house. We have been doing normal things, me mostly working and not staying in the house. We went to dinner with only a small sign of unrest/conflict. He agreed to see a therapist but I think he wanted me to go to a relationship therapist with him, for the two of us. This thread really got me thinking that maybe his individual therapist would be a good place for him to start. He has had pretty bad impulse control issues since teen hood and went to see this guy briefly. Why not continue?

The thing is in my heart I knew if our relationship gets too disruptive we have to break up and at least this could force a change for him. Before he came home I was resigned it was over. But then he came home and was affectionate. So I am giving him the love I need to give. But I feel awful at the same time insisting he change, and afraid of his temper too if I bring it up too much. I don't actually feel comfortable that the issue was resolved even though supposedly it will. I wish he would be the one to be talking about couple's therapy, arranging it, and looking forward to fixing these issues.

Anyhow, sorry for rambling! Things are just sort of in between right now. We need to fix our communication issues for sure.