I think lonely's comments here are very insightful. Maybe what your daughter wants and needs (in addition to help with tangible things like meal preparation) is some matneral nurturing... the kind of "everything's going to be okay," "i'm here for you," "i love you," "i'm proud of you," "hugs and kisses" type stuff that so many of us often say we never received as children and wish our T's could provide for us. As many of us know from experience, those needs don't go away when we're adults.
She isn't so receptive to my hugs. I said "I love you" a few times but the thing is we say that to each other on the phone all the time, but not in person. I don't feel like she WANTS me to be here for her; her H is the one she turns to. I know she only has one mother--me. I'm not sure what to do. She appreciates compliments on her cooking so I try to do that. It's awkward for ME to say things like "I'm proud of you". I do remember saying that while she was growing up though. I need to do it more of it now because she has low self esteem. I guess it's hard for me because I myself didn't get enough of it! I tell the grandkids I love them, and hug them whenever they let me, and I praise them a lot. Being a Mom is hard when they're already grown up and have families of their own. I'm not excusing myself, just saying it's hard.
It sounds like things with your daughter have already improved a lot because you've opened up a channel of communication with her and you've asked her what you can do to be helpful to her (and then done it!). That's great! But maybe something she doesn't know (or is shy) to ask for is some additonal nurturing and comforting. I agree but why does she turn away from my hugs? She doesn't like touching or something.

I don't have a mom but I do have a dad, and he is visiting me right now. Yes, I could always use help with tangible things (I'm certainly overworked and overtired!!!) but what means much more to me than who hung the painting on the wall or who walked the dog is the fact that he LISTENS to me, says he is PROUD of me, and spends time just BEING with me. Those are the things that I remember after he leaves.

This may be the key.
Does D know that you came for a vacation?
Did she invite you for a vacation?

If you think you are a guest on holiday and she sees you as an extra resource, then you will get exactly the consequences you describe.

You are with your daughter and grandchildren and you are missing your T?