Horrible day, problems with my homeless ex, my youngest's father. It's expected, this has happened before, yes I should know better.

My mom was staying with me for the past year, she came last October when I was in crisis, and left to go back to her home last week. So it has been comforting to have my ex around helping me fix up the house for a low rate - he doesn't help with child support money. But he's an old friend, we both grew up around here.

He broke an agreement we have that he won't drink while he's at my house or around my children. He's a mean drunk, I don't feel safe around him. But he's been inebriated and refusing to leave my house for a couple days now. He has had several dui's, yet he was driving with my daughter yesterday and drank in the car while he was driving. She told me, she'd asked him not to, and he did anyway, and she was scared. So I confronted him, away from the children privately, I said basically I know what you've been doing, how could you drink and drive and with a child in the car. And his defense infuriated me, "She's 18 she's a grown woman". OMG it made me sick. She's my child, she's his ex-step-daughter, he should have care and kindness and safety in mind for her. So the fight turned horrible and he got mad at my daughter. The ex had made a pizza and wouldn't let my daughter or I have any... this is my house - it was nuts, a total crazy house. He was yelling and acting childish in front of the kids, but I kept my cool with him.

I kept my cool in front of the children, but went in my room and cried and my mind went to it's go-to place, of wanting to die, thinking about how to go about it, thinking there is no way out of this mess, trapped, who would care for my children. At the same time I'm rationalizing to myself, knowing it's going to pass and wondering why my mind always goes to that place, I even wanted to self harm, which I've never really done before.

Eventually, my 16 yr old son went pretty nuts with the yelling, and calling ex-step-dad a drunken loser, etc. And the ex yelled in my driveway that my son is a meth addict. Thank God they didn't get physical. Ex finally left. Last thing he yelled was to my 10 yr old, "I don't know when I'll see you next, depends on your psychotic family!"

So my eyes burn from too many tears. I got myself calm, cared for my younger son who was crying and just wants his dad. I'm on here reading the forums, trying to get my mind off of the madness.

I got a call from a girl, one of my older son's friends... I was *****y with her at first cuz she has done meth with my son in the past. But she said she was at another girls house and they have my guitar that my son had supposedly given them, and they want to return it to me. She said the other girl wanted to talk to me, I've never met.

She could not have been any sweeter, "I am so sorry I had no idea this guitar was yours, I want to return it to you. And I need to tell you I'm so sorry - I painted the word LOVE on it - it looks pretty good I think - but I'm sorry I didn't know - and I have 3 other guitars and I know what sentimental value they can have..." She went on but I told her it was OK, and thank you so much.

So we have a plan to meet tomorrow, I will get back this guitar I really like that I figured I'd never see again. So many many other items stolen from my house by my son or his meth "friends".

After these recent days of feeling so violated and intruded upon, something really nice happened, and so out of the blue. I am reminded and humbled, there are still good people out there. (i know that smiley says it's sarcastic, but i think he's looking up at the stars or something)

No responses needed, I know it's a slow night around here, and Everyone seems to be going through heavy stuff. Just sharing. L.O.V.E.