First I want to say welcome! I'm relatively new to the forum myself, but I have found it incredibly helpful getting through the highs and lows as well as medication shifts. I have only started taking meds rather recently, but I already feel like a human lab rat.

I also can relate to the feelings of worrying about my gf leaving. My pdoc says that part of it is delusional thought patterns, and that when we find the right cocktail, a lot of that should go away. Without her and pc I'm not sure I'd have the strength to keep going. Do you have a good support group with your family and friends? That can help you.

One thing I have found, though, is with your support group, sometimes you have to play the teacher as well. I have found that not only describing your symptoms to them, but translating it into things they would understand helps to give them an idea what you're going though. Like with my depressive episodes where it is truly a challenge to get out of bed. My gf works twelve hour days and our nearest Wal-Mart is about 2 miles from our house. I asked her how hard it would be for her to sprint, not walk, not jog, but sprint to Wal-mart after working twelve hours. I told her that is the kind of battle it can be for me to just get out of bed when I am in a depressive state.

Then when I get manic, like I am now, I am following my T's advice to channel my energy into useful tasks like cleaning and yard work, but that doesn't slow my mind down. I go for four or five mile walks, then come home to do more. She tries to get me lay on the couch and relax but i just physically can't. I have tried to explain how my mind just races and won't slow down, no matter how physically exhausted I am. I haven't quite been able to describe that to her yet, other than to say it's like taking crack, but I'm working on it.

But don't worry too much. If nothing else all of us here are willing to lend you a shoulder to lean on if you need it. I hope you get through your latest state relatively easy. We're all here for you and welcome you with open arms.