There have been many times over the years when I have needed somebody to point out to me that I am depressed. It's weird. After all this time I still don't always see it. Something is making you unhappy. I agree with Clinte89, it is time to seek professional help. In fact, whenever you are harming yourself, you need to get help right away! This website is great because it gives us lots of support and people to turn to to ask questions others around us would not know the answer to, or to share with others who get us, but we also need a support group in the real world.

Please, get help now! Then, develop a support group around you. I was recently hospitalized after a suicide attempt. Most of my friends didn't even know I was BP, so it was quite a shock. I found out people's love for me was much stronger than my disease. Now, they look out for me and let me know if they see something that worries them. It is a huge help. Again, PLEASE GET HELP! I know that harming yourself serves a purpose, but you deserve better than that! Good luck!