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Me and my husband had a huge fight last night, b/c I didn't clean yesterday. I felt so crappy all day. I spent most of the evening crying b/c I was in so much pain. Then when he gets home from work last night, he just flies off into a rage and starts throwing things. So, I cry harder and tell him I'm sorry, but he doesn't care.
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What's really sort of interesting is that you are attributing the fight to your not having cleaned, and not to that your husband yelled and you cried and could not respond. Your apology probably communicates to him that you HAVE done something wrong. I see a lot of judgement and blame in this whole situation - judgement from him about you, but also judgement from YOU about you. Why apologise? The fact is you were in pain and you chose not to clean. That's that. When we apologise we communicate that we accept guilt - and that is possibly coming from somewhere within us. What about this gives you reason to blame yourself?
I am also not saying you need to blame your husband, actually; I am suggesting that maybe you could look at this without ANY blame. You wer ein pain, you chose not to clean, he came home and chose to yell and throw things, you cried and apologised <--- no blame, just the observation of what happened. No one's wrong and no one's right (because, you see, if you want harmony and connection, blaming or rewarding BOTH are not helpful).
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So now, we're both sitting here on the couch in silence. I'm not sure if I want to talk to him. Personally I'd like to leave for the day, but I have no where to go. My mom is out of town, and my friend is moving. oh well, i guess I'll sit in silence all day.
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Also, again, this is a choice. You can choose to leave. There are other places you can go. Also, being silent is a choice. The question is: What do you really want? Are you wanting more communication and connection? (In which case, you'd have to look at how one responds and approaches the other.) Or are you wanting more independence, peace and autonomy? (In which case, you'd possibly make a plan and Do something, instead of choosing silence.)
I hope this makes sense. I just think it's really tragic to choose silence because ... I'm not really getting the sense that you WANT to. But if you DO want to stay there silently, I'd ask you what it is you're wanting through the silence? Are you wanting to communicate that you're hurt? Are you wanting attention? Either way, if you're clear about what YOU want, you can do things to get it. You are in charge of your emotions and your needs, just as your husband is in charge of his -- he's using a tragic way of communicating, throwing things around (when who knows what he really wanted - order, efficiency, trust, etc. *shrug*), but you don't have to.