I've only been a member here a few days. So far I've liked the experience. I see there are lots of people on here I can relate with.

I've posted more than I expected, too. But I've noticed a general vibe I think I've put out there and its anger. What's strange is I rarely get angry. I always thought of myself as someone who looks on the bright side, etc. But I'm looking at some of my posts and thinking," wow, I am angry."

I guess it's good I'm getting in touch with my anger towards this illness. For a long time it made me sad, and I would cry alot. I recently came out of a depression. It followed a manic episode I had in the fall of 2010. I was stable 15 years than poof - Im in the hospital.

But getting sick again brought up all the feelings of shame, failure...and I thought it was behind me. Now I wonder, wtf is God trying to tell me? Why won't this GO AWAY?

I looked at the grief wheel (about the stages of loss - for me its the loss of my mind again). Thank god after anger comes acceptance.