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I am so sorry you are feeling shame and failure. Still today in the year 2012 we see any mental illness as not being strong, or capable...and like you said a failure! Why do we want to think we can control our illnesses? If you had cancer, or diabetes or arthritis would you feel a failure if it returned? No you would not. Because we cannot see it we think we can overcome it. Its an illness not a character defect. Its not something you can will away. I am so sorry that you and so many others here feel that its about being strong and capable. Its not. You have some control but it is an illness. What we do is take our meds, see a therapist, try to live a healthy life but the rest...the illness still exists.....no matter how hard we try to think it away and live well.
You show to our young members that they can fix themselves. They cannot. ....not totally. We were probably born with this. Its probably in your family somewhere. Not the bits of depression we experience due to a loss, etc...these are situational...meaning they go away when the situation changes but for the rest of us, the disease exists.
We are not our illness. We are not victims but we are sick and need to care for ourselves just like if you had parkinsons, diabetes, MS, or arthritis etc. We have not failed.We will never be failures, not ever!!! We just have a situation that needs attention.
Please, never think you are a failure, or be ashamed! We all care here, and the stigma of mental illness still exists and we need to break that stigma and show we are not victims but strong men and women with an illness! We are fighters and survivors!
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Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
"And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper 
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