Sometimes you just have to wonder... is it my coworkers, or is it me? I've always blamed the coworkers, but now starting to think it's me. I had a job for 6 months and liked it okay but could not get along with people I worked with. My boss was so rude and I felt like I could not deal. I dreaded going to work, and although there were a couple of people that I felt comfortable with and liked okay I tried to keep to myself.
So after 6months I quit and went to work somewhere else where I stayed for 2 1/2 years. I didn't stay there because I liked it. I hated it actually. Again, the job was okay but the people I worked with seemed awful. towards the end I took FMLA and was hospitalized for mental health. I did go back but only for 3 months before I felt I couldn't deal anymore and quit without anything else lined up. As a single mom I was terrified, but I felt I would rather live on the street than go back to that place with those people.
In May I got a new job. The best job I've ever had. I love it, I love the people that I work with and work for, and really have no reason to complain. The people I work with and for all seem to be friends with each other (it's a small company) but I am scared to let people in so I'm known as the "quiet one." I don't want to be known like that. I try to talk, and enjoy myself around them, but even when I feel like I'm talking alot people are still telling me that I'm too quiet.
The other issue is my insecurity. I got burned bad at my last job and confided in a couple of people who twisted what I said and threw it back in my face. With this job- I really can't see anyone doing that, but everytime the boss goes into the office with the owner or people are talking quietly around me I get paranoid and start to think they are talking about me. How I screwed up somewhere. I bet they wish they never hired me. They're laughing at me behind my back.
My fears are totally unfounded. I know this. Everytime I ask how I'm doing they say great. Logically, my paranoia makes no sense. But that doesn't seem to make it go away. Sometimes I even get mad at them for what I know they likely aren't even doing. The other day this week I wanted to quit because I didn't think I was good enough to work for them and that they are a good company and deserve someone so much better. Someone at least without my mental issues (which they know little about).
I guess I don't really have a question that needs answering. Just needed to vent. Wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation. I wish I knew how to not be worried about stuff that deep down I know isn't even true.