littlefish, hi, sorry you are feeling so alone. Rhapsody is onto the heart of the matter, it's about what's inside you, how you think about how you feel, that is where you can do something to help shift you out of thie uncomfortable needy place.

This might sound nuts to you, but, giving love is the way to get it. The hard truth is we have to start with loving ourselves.
We have to root out all the bummer self talk that has become a habit in our heads. Individually pick through our thought process and change out the broken records of negativity.
Start telling yourself what a good person, strong person, surviving person, lovable person, you are.

Try giving your love away, free of charge, to strangers even, like at the market, if somebody can't find, or can't reach, or whatever comes up that you could lend a hand around.
Smile at strangers. We tend to get back what we put out.

Come here and tell us how it's going. I think we've each been where you are, in one way or another. Sorta goes with having been abused...... or being nuts, or whatever it is that has hardened up your life.

Do you have a therapist? Councelor? Somebody you can talk with in person about your struggles?

We're pulling for you. Healing is a great adventure.