POTENTIAL TRIGGER




PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION







Okay, so first off, my dad is undiagnosed, but almost certainly bipolar. About 6 years ago during a manic state, I decided to move out of my mom's and move in with my dad. I lived with him for almost a year, which was a very rocky year.

During my time with him, I didn't get along well with my step-mom and I got along with my dad okay depending on what mood he was in. A very love-hate relationship.

He worked two full time jobs, one was delivering donuts third shift to gas stations and such, and then during the day he was a garbage man. During the winter I would ride with him on Friday and Saturday nights, and they were some of the best nights of my life. We could talk about anything. It was almost like we understood each other on a level other people didn't understand.

When summer came around, I started doing the delivery route myself a couple nights a week, to let him get a little more sleep than the four hours or so he usually got. The doughnut business was owned by a family friend so it wasn't an issue for me to do it instead of him. One weekend, he found a 79 trans am and said if I delivered for him all summer he would fix the car up for me. So of course I agreed, it was a kick *** car.

I would have to get to the shop around 11 at night to load the van and would deliver until 6 or 7 in the morning depending on the amount of deliveries. The owner's cousin stayed at the shop until someone got there to help load the van.

Over the course of that summer, the owner's cousin repeatedly raped me. Usually two or three nights a week. At first I tried to fight him off, but I eventually gave up, because I felt there was no point in fighting. So I just let it happen. I never told my dad because I thought he would blame me for ruining his friendship with the owner of the shop. So I kept my mouth shut and let it happen.

I never ended up getting the car because my dad never got around to fixing it up, and our relationship went downhill. By December I couldn't stand living there anymore. I was tired of the emotional abuse from my step-mom, I was tired of living in the filth that the house was, I was tired of cleaning the house because no one else would. I left in the middle of the night when I called my mom and told her to come get me. I left all my stuff there. When I went back to get it, my dad told me I was no daughter of his and to get off his property before he called the cops.

Even though it is irrational, I blame him to this day for getting raped. I blame him for not noticing. I blame him for triggering my first major episode. I blame him for breaking my heart.

On more than one occasion my step-mom has contacted me want to repair the relationship between my and my dad, whom I haven't talked to in almost 5 years. They still don't know about the rape. I think to ever repair the relationship, I have to tell them, I have to let them know the torment I've gone through. I don't think I can move past it until they know, but I don't know if I should.

I miss my daddy, I really do, but I don't know if I can handle him anymore. He goes through his times when he just hates the world, and he pushes people away. He hasn't talked to his mother in almost a year either. I have two brothers that I've never even met, and I have another brother and two sisters that I haven't seen for as long as I haven't seen him. I miss them. I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading my novel, I have wanted to get this all off my chest for a long time.