Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
If rainbow really wants to get things out in the open, I think she'd be better off asking her daughter how she feels about their relationship in general and asking her how she can improve things. Make it about how the daughter is feeling rather than how she is acting. That may give rainbow all she needs to know about where the hesitancy in affection is coming from without even having to ask. The daughter should not be put in the place of having to spell out every single thing. Parents have a duty to provide affection to their children. Not the other way around.
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I think the bolded portion is that part that we all agree on. I would have thought that rainbow's previous discussion with her daughter would have given everyone all of the information that was needed about the daughter's hesitancy in affection, but that may just have been me reading into it.
The part that you two are disagreeing on is really only about how to address the problem. What works for one person might not work for another. I am pretty comfortable with my daughter saying, "hey Baby, doesn't seem like you want a hug right now. You want to talk about what is bothering you?" And she is okay saying yes, and telling me what is going on, or saying no, she wants to wait and talk about it later. That works for us. If MY mother asked me about me not wanting a hug, she didn't ask that way; she would be more like what you indicated, autoelica: "What is WRONG with you??? I'm YOUR MOTHER! You HAVE to hug me." So, I can see both sides in this. Hopefully, rainbow can find a way to address this that works for her AND her daughter.